First and foremost, before I scribe this Match Report.

Want to take this moment to say how much I f@cking enjoy playing Football with you Gentlemen and Dragons (@Olgameth).

So it was like 9:15, and I walked in and half the team was there. The modern age B@stards are becoming more Punctual? Dan Weekly’s beaming smile and good energies must be rubbing off (lads mind out of the gutter) on us all.

I mean Daniel “the Penetrator” Tresize, strolled in – with his usual op shop inspired swag at 9:34 am. Although after further inquiries – he had admitted that the only reason he had an early night was that he had used all of his internet DATA last weekend on a certain streaming portal + shared internet call. So, therefore, his usual pre-game embrace was not forthcoming…

Then Kerb your Enthusiasm called me over (seriously what a f@ckin legend – I have been to the Amazon Jungle and back 3 times and this bloke has better vibes then me) – Gabes wheres the tunes?

Liked I needed a prompt. 4 absolute bangers from the realms of the spirit walkers below.

I have left a tracklist below for Lionel “Woodsy” Hutz’s next DJ Set.

1. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis – Can’t hold us (extended mix)

2. Sonny fodera ft. sinead harnett – into you

3. Toby Green – POP (Absolute fire)

4. San Holo vs. Kanye West – Lights (Nitti Gritti Remix) – (Cruddos Jam)

I feel Lionel Hutz is an appropriate nickname after Woodsy’s case vs KFC.

I was able to muster up the below footage of Woodsy’s defense during the case.

It is also appropriate to mention that it was Tom “Extreme Danger” Chalk’s first game for the Club in a while. One of the last times  I saw him – was Blacks Ball 2015 – when he was in rather ripping form. I loved his segue into courting a lovely young lady. After belly sliding on a dancefloor full of Bob Neil’s finest – he transitioned into asking “How she was doing”?. 


I must also say, our glorious umpire for the day, must have spent the night fighting Dementors because I am sure he must have had 40% of his life force energies sucked up overnight. Going to take him under my wing to perfect his Expecto Patronum.   

Highlights and general commentary from the Football that was served up…

cool Patches of scintillating b@stards footy – the conditions suited their hustle and bustle type game.  Plus I feel that they wanted it more than us. Let it sting boys (come finals – I trust our resolve will be unrelenting)

cool I actually enjoyed Lionel Hutz’s hype up after the quarter-time break. All about Floyd Mayweather and how he was able to absorb the blows and then respond. Great wisdom from Lionel.

cool Tough day at the office for Weeks and Butts – double + triple-teamed with those bigger bodies – plus with the smaller ground not much space to lead into.

cool The “Penetrator” had a Dad that was on his case all day. Literally – waiting for him to get the ball so he could sniper. Obviously – the Dad remembered “the Penetrators” depth in the last game.

cool Rocky “the heavyweight Champ” Austin kicked a goal. Let me repeat that sentence. Rocky “the heavyweight Champ” Austin kicked a goal. This was the sealer to a “chaos like” counter and scintillating ball movement.

cool Something that I thought worked really well – Kerb your enthusiasm always does it – timing your lead perfectly into space that has opened up (dummy leads) –  that mean waiting and being patient. I remember F-Truck hit up Kerbs – then from there – the chaos theory unravelled itself – then a kick out to the wing – boom and we were free for a clinical running b@stards football glorious f#ck yer.

cool  The back 6 “get the chix” inspired by General Stoon (he was absolutely outstanding – attack on the ball and grit) were solid. Thought usual suspects Four Fingers + Kerbs never stopped fighting.

Where to from here?

Let’s continue to work on our Chaos game – absorbing the pressure – relentless mindset – doing the 1%’s – and enjoying our Football and F@ck we can go far in September.

Plympton – 41

The Mighty B@stards – 20

Goal Kickers: T. Austin, A. Howes, D. Trezise
Best Players: J. Maxted, G. Melchizedek, D. Leslie, S. Kerber, J. Forbes





The Best Football Team in the Best Football Club in the World.

Going strong since 2002 – YOOOUUUU


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